Who are you becoming?
This is a great question to consistently ask to your kids. Actually, it’s a great question we should ask ourselves, but let’s talk about it in the context of parenting.
Most everyone wants to become something amazing.
We want to become a star athlete or musician.
We want to become someone that people like and want to be around.
We want to become rich.
We want to become a person of faith or a person with great purpose.
Becoming. The process of coming to be something.
Who are you becoming? Why do we ask this question to our kids?
Here is one great reason. The process of coming to be something is directly influenced by what we allow to shape us. Just like the food we eat shapes our physical body, our mental inputs shape our minds and our souls.
Our inputs become our outputs.
So… this question of becoming can be especially helpful when discussing with your children the inputs into their lives. So often we argue about the inputs, and we talk negatively about the inputs our kids love.
“Social media is bad!” (Even though we are on it too.)
“That music is terrible!”
“How can you watch YouTube all the time?”
What if we shifted the discussion to the effects of the inputs on what we are becoming?
Instead of focusing on the negative of the input, what if we ask questions and start a dialogue with our kids about the effect of the input on who they want to become?
The effects of studying the Bible.
The effects of social media.
The effect of TV shows and movies and music.
The effects of reading helpful books.
The effects of friendships.
The effects of school.
The effects of extracurricular activities.
The effects of where we spend our free time.
Over time as we ask this question to our kids (the question and the corresponding thoughts are also inputs), we start to help them think about what they allow to influence them. Our goal is to help them make wise choices about their inputs by seeing the influence of these inputs into their lives. We want them to ask themselves the question, “How is this input affecting who I am becoming?”
This is also a great place to share your own experiences. If you are like me, you are always fighting the battle of what we are allowing as inputs into our lives. Always trying to put better inputs in and keep the bad ones out. Sharing your battles – in age-appropriate ways – helps your kids learn to fight their own battles. Plus, it will do wonders for connecting you with your kids!
Remember, our goal as a parent is to equip our children to make wise decisions on their own. We challenge them to think about the inputs into their lives in hopes they will see the impact these inputs have in their lives. Remember, too, that real change in beliefs and values takes time. We don’t change quickly so why do we expect our kids to be different? But as these discussions happen over time – and we move away from bashing their inputs to having discussions about them – our kids will begin to consider the effects of the inputs in their lives.
One of our boys decided as a junior in high school that he wanted to become a reader. This was mind-blowing to me because he had never been a reader of anything before. Not even fiction. But in that season, he realized how he could take years of experience of a person’s life and message and learn about it in just a few days or weeks. Today he has read hundreds of books, and these inputs have had an incredible impact on his life. He has become many of the qualities he leaned from these mighty men and women he allowed to have input into his life.
Years later when I asked him about what caused him to change his mind about reading, he talked about two things: First, he had seen his mom and dad be readers and seen the impact these books had in our lives. Second, he had talked with us and other mentors about the benefits of reading and over time had decided this was a worthy input into his life.
Who are you becoming? How are the inputs in your life affecting who you want to become? These questions can have a profound impact on the development of your kids.
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