My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. —The 139th Psalm
I had no idea when I sent in last month’s column to Max entitled The Heart Of A Man that it would garner widespread feedback from readers out of both the married and singles population.
Largely, I have discovered that the singles population, alone (pun intended), is perhaps the most emotionally hungry and overlooked social status on the planet by do-gooders. You might assume that little aged widows who can barely see to put in their dentures would be the ones leading the pack at being so lonely they could die.
However, it has been my observation that regular folks, in general, will stumble all over themselves to assist those Miss Daisys of the world with things like teeth, meals, lawns, bathroom makeovers per se, and fashion faux pas. Yet, modern singles are left to themselves when it comes to building community in a new digital world that promises no oil change and invites them to immorality quicker than a left swipe at a virtual co-ed hairy chest contest.
They are as varied in life stages as are married couples, yet the world just does not know what to do with them; therefore it relegates singles, at best, to the invisible leper colony of “that one life group down the hall taught by Sister So and So.” And that long, lonely hallway, my friends, is where singles’ hopes often go to die when it comes to finding The One, since the strategy, if any, passively leans a little to the “Y’all Come” methodology.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with gaining a deeper understanding of Paul’s missionary journeys and acquiring a cat, which may be the best hope for what Sister So and So will send home to Mama. But if the goal is to the call of marriage, I am going to raise the red flag on Sister So and So’s Singles Strategy right now, since it occurs in a vacuum.
Don’t get me wrong. This is not an appeal on behalf of singles worldwide for men everywhere to come out and hang our TVs or for all of the church ladies to make the church bachelor his favorite banana pudding and cover his feet with a homemade afghan. Instead, this is the continuing saga of a well-needed discussion on just what in the heck is going on “out there” as men are in search of their rib and women are searching for the someone who lost it.
That said, there is a vast chasm between Sister So and So’s Sunday School of Safety and today’s dysfunctional hook up culture. The methods may be completely changed, but the motives have not. At the heart of it all, both men and women still want the same thing as they ever did. Men want respect and women want to be loved.
In response to last month’s column, a reader sent in his remarks stating that a friend had gifted him the book I referenced, “Wild At Heart.” He began digging into the author’s background upon devouring through the first three chapters. Through his research we connected online and he shared some of his story with me. One after the other, I have heard the similar patterns in the experiences of what singles are going through to obtain the true intimacy they desire.
Unfortunately, with the one size fits all mentality of well-meaning regular people who want to uplift singles, there remains the disconnect of how to speak the islanders’ native language. The language must address those singles who need words to embolden their stand for holding the line of sexual purity, those who have been tempted and come close to failure, as well as those who are shaking their fist at God as if to say, “Lord, you put this skin on me so until you provide a suitable helper I have no choice but to take care of my needs in whatever way I see fit.”
In that case, the buffet is a smorgasbord: Take your pick of online fantasy gratification, eating up scores of IRL hot and ready digital women/men soon to be retrieved from the cookie jar into an “ethically” non-monogamous world, or blatantly practicing fornication with one dedicated partner in the name of friends with benefits or sometimes love. Only, the hope of a future commitment at some undeclared time, more often than not, never arrives. Foiled again, leaving behind soul ties that hinder the Christ-centered life, the cycle repeats until somebody has the courage to step off the merry-go-round. This honesty, Dear Reader, has struck a nerve with many who have written in from everywhere.
To Be Continued Next Month…..