You’ve done everything right—researched agencies, arranged schedules, and hired a caregiver to help your aging parent. Then you arrive at their house expecting to find the caregiver… and they’re gone. “Oh, I told them not to come,” your parent says casually. “I didn’t need them today.”
It’s frustrating, mind-boggling and can be infuriating.
As someone who works in senior care and has gone through this personally, I get it. My own mother has canceled care more than once, saying it felt overwhelming or that she just didn’t like the caregiver.
Here are the top reasons why seniors often reject home care, even after you’ve gone to great lengths to arrange it:
- Perceived Loss of Control: Having a caregiver can feel like surrendering independence—something older adults cling to fiercely.
- Mismatched Expectations: If your loved one doesn’t fully understand what the caregiver is there to do, or worse, feels watched or managed—they may push them away.
- Lack of Connection: Caregiving is personal. If the caregiver doesn’t “click,” your loved one may not feel safe or comfortable.
How to Help:
- Set Expectations Early: Have open conversations about why care is needed and what it will actually look like.
- Ease Into It: Start with short, friendly visits. Sometimes even just companionship can open the door to more help later.
- Involve Them: Let your parent have a say in choosing their caregiver if possible—it builds buy-in.
Yes, it’s frustrating when they send the help away. But with patience, empathy, and clear communication, you can help them see that accepting care isn’t giving up control—it’s taking steps to stay safe and independent longer.
Lori Williams is an Aging Advocate and CSA with over 18 years of senior living experience. She is an Author, Podcast Host, Public Speaker and owner of the multi-award-winning senior placement service, Lori Williams Senior Services, LLC.
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