How do you become a trusted voice in your children’s lives when so many voices are competing for their attention? In a world where someone is always in our children’s ear, how do we stay trusted and relevant in their lives?
Two key ways: Be an encourager and be a listener.
Be an Encourager
A lot of the words we speak to our kids tend to be instructive or corrective. While there’s a time and place for both, if these are the only kinds of words our children hear, they become the voices stuck in their heads.
Do you want your child to think of you as someone who constantly corrects them? Is that the voice you want to shape their inner thoughts of you? Is that the voice you want to shape their identity?
We counteract that necessary correction with encouraging words. They help shape your child’s sense of identity and build confidence. Here’s a question for you: Who is your child’s biggest cheerleader? Is it you? If not, why not? The world has plenty to say to them about what they are not. Who is telling them who they are? That they are amazing! Parents, it should be you!
An easy way to encourage is to turn instructions into encouragements by adding a positive note to each directive. Encouragement speaks life into their little souls and builds them up.
For example: “You are so good at cleaning up your room; please go do that for me.” and “Son, you’re the best big brother in the whole world. Please be kind to your sister—I know you can be!”
These small shifts not only help your children feel seen and valued but also reinforce the idea that they are capable and loved.
And then also just be encouraging in general. Be encouraging with no qualifications. Not “Wow, that was a great hit! Now if you would just turn your hips a little more, that would have been a home run instead of a double.” Just say, “Wow, that was a great hit!” Period.
Our words are valuable. Our words are important. Our words shape the lives of our children.
Be a Listener
Another way to ensure you’re a trusted voice is by being a good listener.
Your children are constantly hearing from others: peers, siblings, teachers, and social media. These voices can be loud and overwhelming. As parents, we have the unique opportunity to ask meaningful questions and truly listen to their answers.
Listening builds trust. Who do you trust more? Someone who always has the answers for your life or someone who sees, hears, and understands you? Your children are no different. They want to be seen, heard, and understood. Are you that person for them?
When we listen, we gain insight into the influences shaping their thoughts and decisions. Listening gives us wisdom so we can respond with wisdom. When we respond with wisdom, our children are more likely to follow and trust us.
Listening works at every age. Suzanne says, “If you listen to them when they are 5, they will talk to you when they are 15.” By being intentional with your time and attention now, you build a relationship where your children feel safe to come to you—not just today, but as they grow and face bigger questions and decisions in life.
You are building trust every time you listen to your child.
Becoming a trusted voice doesn’t happen overnight, but the effort you put into encouraging and listening will pay off. As your kids grow, they’ll know they can count on you as a wise, steady, loving, and safe presence in their lives.
Want to be a trusted voice in your child’s life at every age? Become an encourager and a listener.
FYI – if you want some resources to help you become more of an encourager and a listener, go to Amazon and look for our “Guide to Creating Family Culture.” In that guide, we share with you actionable steps to those goals and many more concepts to dramatically improve your relationship with your children.
