When my youngest of three sons attended preschool, I was expressing to another mom my happiness with the school. She didn’t quite share my viewpoint, because, (as she leaned in and lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper) “the teachers say ‘no’ to the students.”
Is “no” the evil twin of “yes?” Let’s think about it.
In the most primary sense, for most of us, if “yes” is good, then “no” is bad. “Yes” gets us that cookie, one more minute of playtime, the keys to Dad’s car, the love of the guy we think we can’t live without, and everyone’s approval.
Just imagine yourself in a foreign country with a whole new set of customs, language, and laws. You arrive with an innate drive to explore and not a clue about the limits, dangers, pitfalls. Because you don’t speak the language, just yet, a special word is needed to keep you safe and out of danger. Enter the word “no.”
“No” may seem like the “bad guy” of the yes/no partnership, but behind every truly worthwhile “no” is a well-meaning “yes” that is in our best interest. No cookie, because, yes, your health is important. No more play time, because, yes, sleep is important. No keys to Dad’s car, because, yes, school nights are for homework and family. No, I won’t go out with you again, because, yes, I respect myself more than you do by continually cancelling our dates. No, I can’t volunteer this time, because, yes, a less hectic life is what my kids and I need.
Spoken with kindness, respect, and with purpose for our greater good, the word “no” is about as positive as they come. And to that, I say, “yes!”
Pam Ray, BSE, CH, is the owner/director of Dallas West Dance Centre in Argyle; a certified facilitator for ACT, a parenting program by the American Psychological Association; a clinical certified hypnotherapist; and a member of the National Dance Education Organization.
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