Sunday, December 4, 2022

C. Stroup – MURDER She Wrote in Double Oak!

A short while back my PC took the liberty of sending 20 or more copies of the same email in rapid succession.  One recipient received the same thing over 200 times!  It was clear my computer had indigestion and I was about to lose my mind.  This glitch occurred 3 times in 6 months.  On each occasion I’d try the usual tricks in an effort to get it fixed.  As always, my final solution is to turn to the pro, that would be my husband, Ken, dontcha know?

I was certain I had a bad old virus that even he could not decipher.  But with perseverance he repaired the blight.  Now I needed to get over my fright.  I was scared to death to send more mail for fear the program again would fail.    

When my friends had begun emailing me back to complain they were being bombarded with crap, I knew all was not right in my world.  It’s like the feeling you get when you step on a tack.  It hurts a lot but was an accident. 

So all was well for a short spell until one day things went amiss.  This new event disrupted my bliss.  (There I was minding my own business, well, we all know I’m not real keen on that.)  I clicked the mouse to bring up a map.  OMG, what in the world is this crazy butterfly on the right side of my screen?  Pretty, very colorful, like with the blues and greens and fluttering wings.  But I’d not seen this before, nor asked for her.  Then came the silly, round and yellow Jetson head.  This character had a ridiculous face and was completely foreign to my email space.

I blinked my eyes only to spy another image I could not identify.  In marched a butler with a tray in hand.  I supposed he was going to do something, like offer me a glass of wine…or perhaps some supper on which to dine.  But instead he just stood there looking very proper.  His feet were huge and he seemed to loom into my face.  Weird dude and walked with a strange pace.  Clomped about as though he owned the place.  Of all the bizarre anomalies I’d witnessed he was by far the most intrusive in my business. 

I found that after I clicked my mouse in different ways these aberrations would go away.  How many more were in store?  I was doubtful I had asked for this stuff when I invited my husband into the scruff.  Ken thought I might have clicked on a note that penetrated my emails…after which I’d get no vote.

There were other indications that I had mail waiting…like a message which said just those words.  Yet, when I’d click on it the only satisfaction I’d get was to see it dissipate off my screen.  I wanted to scream.  I did scream, more than once when hubby finally asked, “Hey, what’s all the fuss?  Why are you throwing a fit?  Is there something wrong with this?”

My PC was dorked and I hadn’t done a thing to invite this cahcah to come in.  So who killed my email?  Who was the perpetrator messing with my mind?  I so admit to not knowing what I’m doing much of the time…to include what I type on my keyboard.  But, I won’t admit to total sabotage.

I have to thank my lucky stars that my husband knows his way around computers both near and far.  He found, after searching around, that Incredimail was now on the prowl. Who put it there?  I haven’t a clue.  But not knowing how to use it made me feel like a fool.

Digging into the dilemma of this disaster uncovered “250” unread messages.  Needless to say my face turned pale.  They’d been accumulating for over 3 months and included some sales.  I shook my head and with much dread, deleted the entire list.  It would have taken a month of Sundays to read them all, if you get my gist.  Who knows how many important notes were lost?  Who knows how many of those came to my REAL EMAIL inbox?…the one I interact with. 
Don’t you ever get the feeling that you’re not alone?  I mean, don’t you ever wonder why things within your computer go awry?  Ever wake up the morning to learn that the night before an intruder had been prowling your net?  And the guilty party wasn’t your curious pet.  So now you have to reboot.  REALLY, what did you do to cause BIG BROTHER to be footloose?

Then the following explanation is seen: A new anti-virus update has been installed.  This is for the protection of your firewall.  But I didn’t ask for this.  It wasn’t my wish.  And by the way; You will now need to restart your computer.  Any unsaved information may be lost.  Oh, swell!  Do tell?  Big Brother is the boss.  

I could surmise for a long while about what caused the demise of my workstation.  But since I won’t cop to the crime this time, I must find the answer to the following rhyme:

“PC Murder in Double Oak,” I typed.
Who for this deed do I like?
Not that many suspects to choose from.
Nor any clues to point to the bum,
And on his trail ~ not one cookie crumb.

I sought to find a clear footprint
To give me just the slightest hint.
But searching for the actual culprit
Led me back to just one suspect.

The only real possible conclusion
Based mostly on TV’s illusions;
You wait until the final minutes to learn the answer to the quest.
By now you surely have a guess…

MY ANSWER IS:  That Butler Did It!


Originally published in the May 2010 edition of The Cross Timbers Gazette.

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