What kind of road are you building to your child’s heart?
Imagine two roads. The first is a narrow, two-lane road filled with potholes. You can still reach your destination, but the trip is slow, difficult and frustrating. You have to drive carefully, and every new storm seems to make the road a little worse.
The second road is a wide, well-built superhighway. Travel is smoother. The storms still come, but the road is strong enough to handle them. You can reach your destination much more easily.
If we build the two-lane, pothole-filled road, reaching our child’s heart is difficult. Instructions become arguments. Correction feels like rejection. Boundaries feel like control. Simple conversations turn defensive. Our child begins to hide mistakes instead of bringing them to us. They hear criticism more loudly than love. We repeat ourselves, raise our voices, and become increasingly frustrated. Even when we are trying to help, our child may assume we are against them. Eventually, every difficult conversation feels like navigating another pothole—and both the parent and child begin avoiding the road altogether.
The superhighway is different. Instructions are more likely to be received because our child trusts our heart. Correction becomes guidance instead of condemnation. Boundaries communicate safety and protection. Difficult conversations can happen without threatening the relationship. Our child is more willing to bring us mistakes, questions and struggles because they believe we are for them. We can speak calmly, listen carefully, and work through disagreements without every issue becoming a battle. Even when our child does not like our decision, they can still believe it comes from love.
So how do we build the superhighway? How do we build that open, trusting, loving relationship with our children?
It comes down to one word: Connection.
Connection is the superhighway to your child’s heart.
So what exactly is connection? Connection is the parent pursuing the child so the child feels seen, heard, valued and loved.
Let’s start with the first phrase: “the parent pursuing the child.” Notice who does the pursuing—the parent.
We certainly hope our child will respond positively. We hope they will talk to us, enjoy us, listen to us, and appreciate our efforts. But connection is not based on our child’s response.
What if your teenager rolls their eyes? What if your child gives you a one-word answer? What if your preschooler throws a fit? What if your adult child seems distant?
We still pursue. We still build the road.
Jesus said in Matthew 5:46, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?” It is easy to connect with a child who is happily connecting with us. But when we pursue our child even when they are difficult, we communicate something powerful:
“You are important enough for me to keep pursuing.”
Then let’s see the last part of connection; “the child feels seen, heard, valued and loved.”
We intentionally do certain things in our interactions with our children that make them feel seen, heard, valued and loved.
We listen to them. We look them in the eyes. We ask questions about their world. We encourage them. We celebrate their effort. We speak positively about who they are. We make time just for them. We enter into their interests. We let them finish their thoughts. We show affection. We accept them even when they fail. We apologize when we are wrong.
We still instruct them. We still tell them to put away their shoes. We still make sure they do their homework and clean up their room and be nice to their sibling. We have a God-given responsibility to guide, protect, correct and prepare them.
But when we purpose to connect, we open up their hearts. Instructions are received more easily. Our children believe we are on the same team with them. Conflicts become healthy discussions. There is more joy and laughter in the relationship.
Do you want to build a superhighway to your child’s heart? Pursue connection and watch your relationships with your children begin to flourish.
