Crazy Cool Family: Ask Why

Do you want to be more effective in correcting your children? Maybe where you don’t have to yell as much? Where they actually hear you and then change their ways?

Instead of reacting immediately — and usually harshly — when your child does something wrong, before you say anything, ask yourself one question: “Why is this happening?”

Why is my child throwing a fit?

Why is this child hitting their sibling?

Why is my child shy and won’t go into the nursery at church?

Why is my child giving me one-word answers?

Asking why doesn’t take away our ability to train our child in the way they should go.

It simply gives us more information to train more effectively. If we find out the circumstances need discipline, we simply hand out the consequences. Because we have asked some questions, it usually gives us the ability to calm down at least.

But sometimes as you ask the why, you will find that it is not a correction issue, but a time for listening and maybe even a little parenting grace.

This happens a lot when the behavior is not characteristic of the child.

Maybe they just got overwhelmed and made that bad grade on the test, and maybe what they need is for you to tell them, “It’s OK! We’ll get them next time and I will help you prepare. And remember, it’s fourth grade. This is not going to keep you from getting into college.”

Maybe they are a good kid but they get angry with their brother a lot. Instead of yelling at them to not yell at their brother (maybe our example of yelling could be part of the problem?), what if you asked him why he gets so angry with his brother. Then really listen to him instead of going into immediate lecture. Let him talk. Connect with him. Explore solutions together.

Before you correct, ask why. Get the information you need to make wise parenting decisions. Asking and listening creates opportunities to guide your child in situations where they lack maturity and wisdom. When we take the time to discover the “why” behind the action, we gain influence to change not only the action but its root cause.