Most parents spend the majority of their energy reacting to what their children are doing wrong. Correct this behavior. Stop that attitude. Don’t make that mistake again.
While correction has a place in parenting, many families unknowingly build their entire family culture around correction and punishment. And our child thinks, “All I do is get in trouble.” and “I never do anything right.”
At Crazy Cool Family, we believe parents are called to do far more than manage behavior. We are called to bring out the greatness in our children.
I was talking to a dad the other day whose grade school boy got in trouble in school. The same son also didn’t want to go to church. When the dad talked to the son about both issues, the same reason came up.
At school, he often spoke out of turn because he knew the answer and would blurt it out before the student the teacher had called on had a chance to respond. In church, he felt like they were treating him like a five-year-old instead of a third grader.
In both cases he was bored and not challenged by his environment.
Should he be punished or inspired? How about both?
Certainly there should be consequences for acting out in class or church. Our children should not be know-it-alls who disrespect their teachers and other students. But so often we stop with punishment.
What if we also called out something greater in him?
“Hey son, here’s the deal. You are super smart. And you are being raised with us putting God’s Word in your heart so a lot of times at church you already know what they are teaching. You see, God has given you gifts. He has given you an incredible mind and put you in a family that loves God and loves you.
“So what are you going to do with the gifts God has given you? What if you used your gifts to serve others? Since you know what is going on, what if you helped the teacher in school or the leader at church? What if you encouraged the other students and told them how amazing they are and how much God loves them? God has given you much so you will have much to give!”
Inspiration happens when a parent sees beyond the current behavior and speaks life into the child God created. It sounds like:
“I see leadership in you.”
“You are capable of great things.”
“You have such a compassionate heart.”
“I love the way God made you.”
“You can learn from this mistake.”
Children tend to rise toward the vision spoken over them. Especially when that vision is given by their parents.
This does not mean we ignore boundaries or consequences. Healthy families still have guardrails. But correction works best inside an atmosphere of inspiration.
Inspiration builds identity. Inspiration builds confidence. One of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child is helping them believe, “There is something valuable inside of me. God has a purpose for my life.”
The goal is not raising well-managed children. The goal is raising inspired sons and daughters who know who they are, know they are loved, and know they were created for a purpose.
