The catalogs are here again.
The amount that comes is just a sin.
For them to print such a number
All those trees…what a bummer!
In the mailbox they’re crammed so tight
To get them out is quite a fight.
It’s the same old story day by day
As catalogs will come your way.
You’re offered all these special deals
From front door mats to carts on wheels.
There’s a wide array of things to buy,
Some for girls and some for guys.
The catalogs are thick and thin.
As you page through them you have to grin.
Such a selection for you to choose,
Everything from clothes to booze.
Cheeses, nuts and fruitcake, too
Wines and rum to name a few.
Clothing you should never buy
It never fits…that is why.
You’re truly awed by the toy assortment
And that jewelry box with all the compartments.
But all these things can be bought at shops
So you better think. You better stop.
The shipping and handling will cost a ton
And that’s a fee that sure ain’t fun.
So when you see the mailman come
Walk slowly to the box. Don’t run.
For you know for sure what he will bring
Those useless catalogs chock full of things.
And once you’ve bought from just one vendor
You’re at their mercy, but don’t surrender.
These publications have a cult.
Each one will send your address out.
Amongst themselves they share your name
That’s why so many. They are to blame.
So throw those catalogs in the trash!
This might seem harsh, it might seem rash.
You’ll be glad you did come Christmas time
You’ll have saved some dollars and many dimes.
And maybe this will give you hope
That next year’s mailbox won’t be choked!
Originally published in the December 2012 issue of The Cross Timbers Gazette.