I firmly believe the generational gap is growing. And for us Zoomers, I think it’s especially pronounced. I think older generations are hard on us because they care, while I believe younger generations feel as if the world is hard on them enough. Here’s what may be the shock for many of ya’ll reading this to hear — neither side of this is wrong. It takes effort to care, but it also takes grace to receive that care when the world already feels like it’s demanding so much of us. Somewhere between good intentions and misunderstood criticism, I think we’ve lost sight of that balance.
Where technology is at, it’s never been easier for an individual to go out and try and tackle something that they see as a problem, or to air their grievances of any slight on whatever social media they can log in to. Some people are bad at expressing care and some are bad at receiving constructive criticism gracefully — but more often than not, in my experience at least, both are usually true. And when we begin assuming the worst of each other’s intentions, even genuine concern can start to feel like an attack.
Where the real danger lies in all of that is the emotion of resentment. Resentment is truly a scary emotion because it’s hardly noticeable at first — it sneaks up quietly until… BAM! Love feels like an inquisition and defensiveness is easy to default to. More than that, resentment is an emotion that has claws that can attach itself for years without resolution.
A couple of weeks ago my girlfriend and I got spoken to in a sermon in a way I’ve never experienced before. Sure, a lot of us have been called out in a sermon every once in a while, but what we heard a week ago was dollars to donuts what we’ve been experiencing. In the sermon, our pastor opened up about concerns he had with a close friend’s new relationship, and how he came off cold and strong when bringing it up. Years had passed, and the friend and his girlfriend were now married — and our pastor opened up that he was worried that they might perceive him as self-righteous and judgy. It wasn’t until actually bringing that old conflict up that the pastor’s friend was surprised that he was even dwelling on that thought. All those years, his friend had moved on, but our pastor was still carrying the weight of a conflict that had already been forgiven.
I had to do a lot of self-examination to realize forgiveness is what defeats resentment. While that may sound like a “duh, Nick,” just hear me out — yes, you have to forgive the people that may have hurt you. However, truly dissolving resentment also requires you to forgive yourself — you’re not perfect. I think the ultimate act of grace in this case is hearing the concern and listening through the conflict, even if the delivery has left something to be desired. After all, we’re all messy humans trying to figure it all out and pray that we’ll be okay.
Sometimes the greatest act of dying to yourself is forgiving those enough to move past it quietly. Righteousness is not simply the average of your character, but the small acts of mercy you sow into the world around you. For this month, I’d ask you to take a conflict you’re going through, dwell on it a final moment, and then let it go. Give it to God and let him stir something in the hearts of those where maybe an apology is needed, or a conversation is warranted, or even where stillness is the answer.
See y’all next month.
