Crazy Cool Family: Tell your kids who they are instead of who they are not

By Don & Suzanne Manning

Here is a parenting concept we wish every parent would adopt: Tell your kids who they are instead of who they are not.

What does this statement mean? Well, maybe it is best explained with another question: Do you want to be an inspiring parent or a nagging parent? If you say nagging parent, this article is probably not for you. But if inspiring lights your fire, then read on.

We tell parents all the time that your home has all the elements of a small business. Finance, operations, logistics, there’s even a warehouse to store all your product. But you know what department most parents neglect? Sales!

You are selling a way of life to your children. You want to have influence in their lives. You want them to follow your advice as you do your very best to teach them what is best for them.

But so often we are so focused on operations that we forget the sales part. And just like in business, when sales are not there, the entire business is in trouble.

What are we selling to our kids? Here’s some of the things on our list:

• They are fearfully and wonderfully created by God.

• They are loved.

• They have unique gifts and abilities bestowed on them by God.

• They can succeed in life and have an impact on their world.

You see, beliefs determine behavior. What our kids believe about themselves will determine what they do. And our kids’ belief about themselves are first bestowed by their parents. You get the first and best chance to sell them on how they are going to believe about themselves!

So let’s go back to our statement: Tell your kids who they are instead of who they are not.

So often we are so busy getting onto our kids about what they are doing wrong that we forget to sell them on who they are.

What does it look like to tell our kids who they are? Here are some quick tips:

Give acceptance even when they mess up.

One of our boys were playing on an eight-year-old select baseball team. In one game, the team was making a lot of errors and the parents were collectively agonizing over the play of the team. One parent said, “How can these kids be playing so bad?” To which my wife Suzanne said, “Maybe because they are eight!” Sometimes we forget that our kids are growing up and learning. Their bodies and minds are changing all the time and they may not always be perfect like us adults. We can inspire them to high standards while still showing grace in their mistakes.

Your love is not conditional.

Your kids need to know there is nothing – I mean nothing – they can do that will make you stop loving them. There may be consequences but withholding love will not be one of them. So often parents do real damage to the identity of their kids by their disapproval of their actions. The kid doesn’t see it as disapproval of the actions but as rejection to their whole self.

Speak life into them all the time.

“You are a mighty man of God!”

“I love it that God put you in our family!”

“You are a leader! Go out there today and be the leader God has called you to be!”

“You are such an awesome older brother! Thank you for helping me with your younger siblings!”

“I love you mistakes and all!”

Are you saying statements like these to your kids? If not, start. We are really good at the correction but not so good at speaking life.

We tell them who they are by speaking life-giving statements into their lives consistently.

Tell your kids who they are instead of who they are not and watch them be filled with confidence as they tackle their world.